Dear Newsweek, my ex-wife and I have two girls—aged 8 and 4—and a son who is 6 years old.
Even though my ex was awarded primary custody, the kids have lived with me full time for the past two years. I have also been paying child support for the kids—even though they live with me and she only sees them once in a while.
This year, their mom has been coming around a lot more. Other than a few monetary issues (she doesn't help with the children financially), we have been co-parenting rather well.
However, their mom started acting weird last month. When spring break came, she pulled a fast one. We agreed that she would have the children for the first half of spring break and I would take them for the second, but she tried to gaslight me into backing out of the deal.
I reminded her of the text conversation to prove that I was right, and she said she'd bring them back on Friday. She never showed up, and the following week told me she was keeping the kids.
When my oldest daughter first moved in with me, she could barely read. Now she is in third grade and doing excellent in school. My son has also improved in leaps and bounds and my youngest daughter was excelling in preschool.
She went to the school and showed them the divorce decree to prove that she was the primary custodian of the kids and that they're not allowed to leave the school with me. If it wasn't for the decree, they would have escorted her out of the building because they didn't even know who she was.
She has also taken my youngest out of preschool and doesn't tell me where she goes. Instead, my youngest child is staying with my ex's 21-year-old half-sister who takes her to daycare. She has gone from living with me, to living with her mom, to not living with either of her parents or siblings. She has no idea why.
My ex lives with her boyfriend who I am yet to meet. I recently found out he was arrested and charged with stalking his ex-wife and injuring a child.
My ex knows I have a lawyer and that I was applying for custody. This would mean the child support would stop. We have a court date coming up, but she has stopped all communication with me.
I have a strong suspicion that she started doing this for the money. Do you have any advice for me?
Flabbergasted in Texas
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'You Need to Get a Lawyer, Like, Yesterday'
Susan Myres is a family law attorney and a managing partner at Myres & Associates, PLLC, a family law firm based in Houston, Texas.
I'm going to be very direct in responding to your query. You need to get a lawyer, like, yesterday. You might also want to hire a private investigator to check out this boyfriend and the housing situation.
It's concerning that you would allow your ex to have primary custody on paper for so long, yet keep your children full time and continued to pay child support while their mother had little contact with them. A lawyer needs to investigate the terms of the decree to see what you are currently entitled to.
Texas offers a variety of options to help divorced parents deal with a messy or even dangerous situation for children. First of all, a motion to modify must be filed, along with a temporary restraining order. Temporary orders can also be requested a child has been harmed or is at risk of being harmed.
Most family law issues require notice to be given to all other parents or conservators before a hearing is set, but a temporary restraining order does not require advance notice to the other parent. It has limited functionality, but can result in temporary orders that give some relief until the case is resolved. In your case, the request for a temporary restraining order must be accompanied by a petition to modify custody.
A protective order is the better solution when a child has been a victim of physical abuse, sexual abuse or family violence. It is criminally enforceable, but the bar to get one is high. I did not see any facts alleged that would support one.
It sounds as though you can gather a lot of evidence to demonstrate the care you have given the children, including teacher and school reports, pediatrician reports, etc., showing that the children have been doing well and the mother has been involved very little. But you also need to ask yourself, "If she is so dangerous and unstable, what does it say about your parenting decisions that you let your precious children go to her?"
That said, I certainly wish you luck.
'Set Up a Temporary Order Hearing Immediately'
Holly Davis is a family law attorney and a founding partner of Kirker Davis LLP, a boutique family law firm based in Austin, Texas.
In Texas, if a person has cared for the children primarily and lived with them full time, then that person can file a modification of the existing divorce decree and ask the court to memorialize the two-year status quo as the new temporary rules—even if there is an order that grants primary conservatorship to the other parent.
The fact that you did not choose to file a modification has now placed you in this strange space, where the only orders on file are outdated and not representative of the children's everyday lives.
What you should do is file an emergency order with the court explaining that your ex-wife has shown up to the school with an outdated divorce decree, disenrolled your youngest child from daycare, and has changed the residence of the children without your consent.
You should also file a temporary restraining order and set the matter for a hearing within 14 days under the Texas Family Code. A sworn affidavit explaining this whole story to the court won't work if too much time has passed since your ex showed up at the school and disenrolled the child from daycare. However, you can set up a temporary order hearing immediately and ask the court to return the children to your possession.
You can also put a possession schedule in place for mom, similar to her infrequent visits before the recent incidents, and discontinue your child support payments.
Uncommon Knowledge
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.
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